ADHD Isn’t Laziness: How to Help Your Teen

Does your teen struggle to start homework? Do they get distracted half way through an assignment? Maybe they do the assignment but then forget to turn it in? They may even forget that they had an assignment in the first place! If this sounds like your teen, likelihood is that they are struggling with executive functioning due to ADHD, not laziness.

It can be easy to attribute lack of motivation and unwillingness to do certain tasks as “laziness” or “defiance,” but many times it is better explained by neurological differences in your child’s brain. This can be especially frustrating for you and your child as they enter the teen years and want more independence! The good news? There are evidence-based strategies and resources that can take away some of that frustration!

To effectively use these strategies and resources, we must first understand what is different about your teen’s brain. ADHD can make motivation and follow-through more difficult. This is because ADHD impacts the frontal lobe, specifically the prefrontal cortex of our brain, which is our “decision center,” responsible for our executive functions.

So what are the Executive Functions?

Task Initiation: the ability to get started on a task, such as homework or chores

Inhibition: the ability to STOP! Your teen may struggle with “thinking before doing” or waiting

Organization and Management: not only knowing where things are, but when we need to do tasks and the order in which they happen.

Working Memory: our working memory allows us to remember things such as multi-step directions.

Task switching or shifting: the ability to move from one task or activity to another, such as stopping homework to get a snack and then struggling to get back to homework.

Self-Monitoring: the awareness of our emotions, behavior, and thoughts.

Task-Monitoring: the ability to stay on task

Emotional Control: the ability to regulate emotions in order to complete tasks, reach goals, or manage behavior.

Focus, Frustration, and Failure

For some teens with ADHD, middle school and high school are the first time that they are truly challenged. This is because when kids enter middle and high school, they often experience a shift in expectations, both academically and socially. Such as managing multiple teachers instead of one teacher all day! It might be harder to focus in class, switch tasks, and maintain organization. You may have even seen your teen get frustrated because suddenly school is no longer easy and it takes more effort than it previously did. Your teen may also experience failure and difficulty coping with With these changes in expectations comes the need for new strategies and supporting resources

So what do we do?

At this point you may be thinking, “My teen has a hard time with a lot of those executive functions! But what do I do about it?” Luckily there are evidence-based strategies we can use to increase focus, decrease frustration, and cope with failure.

Focus Strategies:

Use fidgets! Seems simple, but it works. Having a fidget can allow your teen to fulfill sensory needs that may impact their ability to sustain attention.
Set the vibe! Each person with ADHD has different levels of stimuli, or lack of stimuli, needed to focus. Total silence may bring boredom and seeking out more fun tasks, but a noisy room with fun games happening will also pull focus quickly. Test out varying levels of stimuli: lighting, noise level, fidgets, and even what room homework is done in. (I have music playing as I write this!)
Pomodoro Method – 15 minutes of work, with 5 minute breaks in between. This allows your teen to break tasks up into manageable bites. Important note! No screens/electronics during the 5 minute break.

Frustration Strategies:

Identify the frustration! Is your teen frustrated with how long homework is taking? Is the frustration due to the level of difficulty of the task? Helping your teen name why they are frustrated can help pick the right strategy or skill to move forward.
Take a break! When we get frustrated, sometimes we need a break to recenter and refocus on the task at hand. Aid your teen in taking a small break, 5-10 minutes long, depending on their level of frustration
Reassure your teen! Their level of frustration that they can tolerate is likely lower than other teens. They need reassurance that they can do their homework or desired task, even when it is hard.

Failure Strategies:

Identify it! Why did your teen “fail?” Was it because they forgot to turn something in? Did they lose focus halfway through the test and run out of time? Helping them identify why they “failed” can help you strategize for future success.
Accept it! We all fail, each and every one of us. Failing ≠ being a failure. Your teen may internalize their failure as a part of their identity, especially if they have rejection sensitivity (more on this later!)
Try again! Failing once can make us feel like we will always fail. You can help your teen by encouraging them to try again. Building resilience is key!

Key Takeaways

ADHD isn’t laziness, it’s a difference in neurological structures within the brain.
ADHD affects our executive functioning, like focus and memory
Changes in expectations = changes in level of support needed
Help your teen focus by setting the right environment!
Normalize frustration and help them build up tolerance for difficult tasks!
Failure is normal, help them navigate by identifying, accepting, and trying again!